A Baking Bimbo

So after my attempt of making a "It's so easy, anyone can do it" pavlova,  I have come to the affirmation that I am indeed a baking bimbo...  Quite possibly a kitchen bimbo.  The first thing that many of my family and friends said to my husband before we were married (who is well known for his exceptionally large appetite) was "Good luck, unless you can cook, you might be eating 2 minute noodles and toast for dinner for the rest of your life".  Yes, that was the extent of my cooking repertoire.
I will always be known by my older sister as the girl who she asked to "throw some peas in a saucepan" for her and then burnt them because there was no water in the pan.  "What?  You didn't say to put water in the saucepan!!" (age 18).  But as I reflect on my pathway to becoming a kitchen bimbo, I happily conclude that all blame and responsibility should be placed on my dear Mother (hehehe).  Ok I must admit, I never really had an interest in what went on behind the scenes to making my dinner.  I just enjoyed the eating part.  Spoilt brat!!
I had other interests, interests that I felt were more noble and above those of a kitchenhand.  So where have those noble interests afforded me now that I'm a stay at home Mum??  Can you hear that?  It's my sister in her kitchen right now laughing out loud rubbing her hands together (and she lives 23kms from here).   
So back to why it's my Mother's fault?  Well, even though I didn't particularly have a keen interest in cooking, I feel she should have taken the time to show me how to make some foods or make me watch her and explain how things work.  Who knows, I may have liked it!!  I only just found out two days ago that egg binds the ingredients together and that you can't whip cream too long otherwise it curdles (age 32). 
So now that I'm a Mother, I feel I owe it to my children to teach them these "basic" skills for every day living such as cooking, housecleaning, sewing (flashback to watching Little House on the Prairie!!).  Unless of course you organize an arranged marriage for them with a wealthy family who have cooks and maids.  What the?  Yes, you do no favours for your kids (and their future spouses) by doing everything for them.  I know it's a lot simpler to do so and a lot quicker but we are not helping them in becoming well equipped, self sufficient adults.  So please, when you tell your daughter or son (at age 8) to throw some peas in a saucepan for you whilst you show him or her to make fried rice, tell them that you need to add water.

Lets Hide...

It's 11pm and I feel like taking all my kids out of their beds and bringing them into mine.  In theory, it sounds great, all snuggling together with me gazing at them lovingly as they sleep in order of age.  Listening to them breathing, whilst thinking that they're such little angels.  But in reality, yeah right!!  Even with a king size bed, I know I'll end up sleeping on the very edge almost falling off and at the same time trying to move a little foot that's pressed up hard against my forehead!!
So why even toy with such a thought you might ask?  Well, probably because my husband's away for the next couple of days and I miss him already and I know that snuggling up to my babies will make me feel better.  But yeah, reality check!!  Maybe, I'll grab just one of them.  Number 3 usually stays asleep, hehehe....
Sometimes (and I mean SOMETIMES!!) I find myself wishing I could just hide my kids from the rest of the world, keep them at home and not worry about going to school and doing all the things that the world expects of them.  I wish I could be their Peter Pan and whisk them away from the monotony of life's responsibilities and let them be free.  Free to play with no timetables and restraints of any kind.  And in doing so, not have any concern of danger or illness.
As I imagine this, I see lots of glitter, sparkle and bright colours.  Almost as if we were living in a snow globe, isolated from the grey of the real world.  How nice would this be?  For some, it might sound horrible and absurd, but for me at this very moment, it sounds magical.  I yearn for this, a place where my children run free without a care in the world.  And all they need is to be loved and taught to be kind, gentle, respectful and all other wonderful virtues, that will lead to everlasting happiness.
I am tempted to fight against the world's robotic moulding of my children but am reminded that they have to live IN this world and that sometimes "the road less travelled" isn't always the most favourable one, particularly if we are to be deemed (or stamped) as "normal" and be "rewarded" with society's acceptance that we, as humans, so naturally desire.
Still tempted?  Yes, but only for a day, as I know I will have to eventually return them to the real world and any longer will prove to have repercussions.  Oh and another reality check?  Well, our trip to Neverland would probably only last till mid morning, cause by then I'll realise there's a reason why I do enjoy sending them to school = less fighting, crying, screaming and cleaner house.  Hence, the emphasis on why I "sometimes find myself wishing...".

Is it wrong to have favourites??

Recently I whispered into my two year old's ear, "You're my favorite, you've moved up to spot number 1".  Although if someone had asked me where he placed on my "Favorite's List" a few months ago, I would've said number four (that being, last).  So is this indicative of how much I love them? Not at all.  For me, it's more about whose company I'm enjoying the most at the time or maybe who's been the most obedient or well behaved.  I can honestly say that I love them all equally, they each bring something different to the table.
However, I'm reminded that we all have different personalities.  There will be some people in this world who you'll get along with so easily and then there'll be others where effort is required.  I see this as being no different with one's children.  Each of my four kids have very differing personalities one from the other and I have realized that with my own, I am naturally going to get along easier with one or two types of personalities compared to another.
Before I came to this analysis I felt guilty, thinking that I did have favorites because I enjoyed their company more.  Or because we didn't "butt heads" as much or ever.  So I thought to myself, I need to change this somehow, I can't love one child more than another and I can't have a favorite.  But the more I tried, I realized it had nothing to do with love it was simply just a personality clash.  Just because they came from my womb doesn't mean that I'm going to be exempt from disliking certain traits or things about them.
However as a parent, I feel it's important not to allow these differences to control how you treat each child, as it may result in a child feeling less loved and less important.  This was, and still is, the case for me.  My Mum clearly had (has) a favorite, my older sister.  And as a child, I had a lot of resentment toward her which affected our relationship.  But now as an adult, I've accepted that this is just how it is between her and I and it's ok.  She still loves me and always has, I guess she wasn't good at treating us the same despite our commonalities, or lack of, that we shared.
So what about my "Favorites List"??  It never stays the same.  It changes monthly, weekly, daily even hourly!!  But one thing that doesn't change, is that I love each of my kids equally, and that will always remain.

So why call my blog "Mum is not here"??

After deciding on the title of my blog, I realised that it was ambiguous, possibly misleading readers to think it was about the passing of my dear Mother and how she's not here (on earth) with us anymore.  Well, apologies to the misled.  This is however, a blog about ME not being here (on earth) mentally.  It's become a common phrase that I use with my children when I no longer want to listen to their every whinge, comment, question, cry, scream, nag, demand, argument....  Get the picture now?  "Mum is not here!!!"  I tune out, I press my inner pause button and go to another place, a happy place.  A place where my real name is being used and not "Mum".  A place where little people aren't talking/whinging to me all at the same time.  It usually doesn't last very long, but for the few seconds that it does, it gives me the boost I need to keep going when I press resume.

My very first post...

So it's 7:30pm and my children are supposed to be in bed.  But what am I doing instead??  Setting up and writing my very first blog.  I know I'm going to pay for this "It'll only take a minute" decision I've made, but what the hell.  I've been contemplating starting a blog for quite some time.  I used to be very good at writing when I was in high school (some 10+ years ago and emphasis on the "used to be") and have been feeling that I need a creative outlet in this time of my life.  Something for me, something that I can call my own and hopefully be proud of.  Being a Mother of four young children, I need not only a creative outlet but an OUTLET that doesn't result in guilt or regret (i.e sore throat from yelling or broken window from smashed plate).  So here it is...