Is it wrong to have favourites??

Recently I whispered into my two year old's ear, "You're my favorite, you've moved up to spot number 1".  Although if someone had asked me where he placed on my "Favorite's List" a few months ago, I would've said number four (that being, last).  So is this indicative of how much I love them? Not at all.  For me, it's more about whose company I'm enjoying the most at the time or maybe who's been the most obedient or well behaved.  I can honestly say that I love them all equally, they each bring something different to the table.
However, I'm reminded that we all have different personalities.  There will be some people in this world who you'll get along with so easily and then there'll be others where effort is required.  I see this as being no different with one's children.  Each of my four kids have very differing personalities one from the other and I have realized that with my own, I am naturally going to get along easier with one or two types of personalities compared to another.
Before I came to this analysis I felt guilty, thinking that I did have favorites because I enjoyed their company more.  Or because we didn't "butt heads" as much or ever.  So I thought to myself, I need to change this somehow, I can't love one child more than another and I can't have a favorite.  But the more I tried, I realized it had nothing to do with love it was simply just a personality clash.  Just because they came from my womb doesn't mean that I'm going to be exempt from disliking certain traits or things about them.
However as a parent, I feel it's important not to allow these differences to control how you treat each child, as it may result in a child feeling less loved and less important.  This was, and still is, the case for me.  My Mum clearly had (has) a favorite, my older sister.  And as a child, I had a lot of resentment toward her which affected our relationship.  But now as an adult, I've accepted that this is just how it is between her and I and it's ok.  She still loves me and always has, I guess she wasn't good at treating us the same despite our commonalities, or lack of, that we shared.
So what about my "Favorites List"??  It never stays the same.  It changes monthly, weekly, daily even hourly!!  But one thing that doesn't change, is that I love each of my kids equally, and that will always remain.

So why call my blog "Mum is not here"??

After deciding on the title of my blog, I realised that it was ambiguous, possibly misleading readers to think it was about the passing of my dear Mother and how she's not here (on earth) with us anymore.  Well, apologies to the misled.  This is however, a blog about ME not being here (on earth) mentally.  It's become a common phrase that I use with my children when I no longer want to listen to their every whinge, comment, question, cry, scream, nag, demand, argument....  Get the picture now?  "Mum is not here!!!"  I tune out, I press my inner pause button and go to another place, a happy place.  A place where my real name is being used and not "Mum".  A place where little people aren't talking/whinging to me all at the same time.  It usually doesn't last very long, but for the few seconds that it does, it gives me the boost I need to keep going when I press resume.

My very first post...

So it's 7:30pm and my children are supposed to be in bed.  But what am I doing instead??  Setting up and writing my very first blog.  I know I'm going to pay for this "It'll only take a minute" decision I've made, but what the hell.  I've been contemplating starting a blog for quite some time.  I used to be very good at writing when I was in high school (some 10+ years ago and emphasis on the "used to be") and have been feeling that I need a creative outlet in this time of my life.  Something for me, something that I can call my own and hopefully be proud of.  Being a Mother of four young children, I need not only a creative outlet but an OUTLET that doesn't result in guilt or regret (i.e sore throat from yelling or broken window from smashed plate).  So here it is...